"Got a light?"

Oh, this little man keeps us on our toes.  The last few weeks Jason and I have just been scratching our heads and hoping we're doing right by this kid.  Here's why:

A couple weeks ago, Graham came in from playing outside.  He sat down next to me and I said, "Hey. What have you been up to out there?"  I knew he was playing with the neighbor kids and he had come in earlier to ask if he could go to the grass field at the end of our block.  Well, good thing I asked.  Keep in mind as you read this, I have been pretty sick and pretty injured the last few weeks (more on that in my update later, but it should be mentioned here as well).  The following dialogue came next: 

Graham:   "It's a secret."  Classic red flag.  Never a good thing when coming out of Graham's mouth.

Me:  "Graham......what were you doing."  

Graham:  "Smoking.  And making smoke."

Me:  "What?"  

Graham:  "Smoking. And making smoke."

Me:  "Like...with cigarettes!?!"

Graham:  "Yeah."

Me:  Now, clearly sitting up and notably upset.  "Like....did you have a lighter!?"

Graham:  "Yeah."

So now, I'm up off the couch trying to find my flip-flops.  All the while I'm asking the same questions from before and he's answering the same way....clearly not getting why it's a big enough deal that I'm actually getting up from my position of choice and dealing with it.  I'm dressed like a hobo and my hair is crazy, but I'm making my way down to the little field to see what went down.  

I find Frank, Frankie's dad, who seemed to have an understanding of the situation.  Graham and Frankie found some cigarette butts.  Graham says, "Hey!  Let's smoke 'em!"  (Proud parent moment right there.)  Frankie says, "Yeah!  I'll go get my mom's lighter!"  (At this point, I really, really wish I could have seen Graham's reaction to Frankie wanting to get the lighter.  Was he shocked?  Was he excited?  Was he nervous?)  Frankie gets said lighter and they proceed to light the cigarette butts, take a few big drags and then begin to try and light a bush on fire.  Awesome.  

Most of this information came from Arianna, another neighbor girl who was telling them to stop (supposedly).  All was confirmed by the accused, Graham and Frankie.  What follows is many discussions and talks about how disappointed we were that he would choose to do that, etc., etc.  His punishment was two days without going outside, playing with friends, or playing the computer.  So, the next two days we had the opportunity to talk about it even more.  Wow.  Some of the ideas in this kid's head just floor me.  Very little remorse was shown until the end of the second day.  Before then, he would talk to us and say what we wanted to hear and then throw one of these out, "I don't see why it was bad."  Ugh!  When alone, Jason and I would say things to each other like, "Have we really not talked about not smoking, doing drugs, etc.?"  The answer was always yes.  He knew better.  Another conversation:

Graham:  "The big kids do it."

Me:  "What big kids?"

Graham:  "The cool ones...you know the big ones.  Like the kids at the park." (He has never seen kids    smoke at the park, but there are some 5th graders that are there hanging out when we are there sometimes.  He's always fascinated with them and tries to hang with them and be "cool".  

What follows this dialogue is a talk about heroes and what kind of person he wants to be when he grows up.  Does he want to be in prison?  Does he want to be addicted to smoking and drugs and have to spend all of his money on that?  I try to slip in an unrelated chat later in the day about missions and mention that boys and girls that go on missions have to make good choices.  You get the jist.  Lots of discussions, lots of chats.  Lots of me biting my tongue and stopping my arm mid swing as I prepare to smack him on the side of the head.  

What seemed to help sink it in is when I talked to him about how he had broken the law.  Although, I was less convinced when I overheard him talking about his antics with another one of his friends.  He wasn't bragging, but there was definitely a "tone" when he brought up the law part.  I could sense just a teeny bit of that "coolness" he talked about earlier.   Oh man.  

In the evenings, Jason and I continue to talk about it and I just have to let myself smile and remember, he is just six years old.   I know there are many "experiences" to come and I hope and pray that Jason and I will be in a good place spiritually to know the right words to say to help guide and direct him to make good choices.  

In the meantime, while I'm thinking about it, I should go find a better hiding place for my smokes ;)