Well, tomorrow Benny will be 8 weeks old. This postpartum Mom is struggling, but we're pushing through. Ben has quite a bit of tummy trouble and it's giving me quite a bit of anxiety.
As many of you know, I'm a very routine oriented person. So, as you would assume, I have tried to get my kids
on board soon after they are born. Lucy picked up what we were putting down very early. She ate, stayed awake for about 90 minutes and then slept for about 90 minutes. Graham gave us some napping struggles, but slept for at least 45-60 minutes each cycle. Both kids slept 7-8 hours straight at night by 9 or 10 weeks. Poor Ben is having a tough start. He's definitely got some tough stomach issues that he's dealing with. He has a hard time napping for more than 15-20 minutes at a time. Evenings and nights are better. He'll sleep 2-3 hours at a time at night. With the other kids, I was able to let them cry for 5-10 minutes at this point to help them learn to go back to sleep. I just can't do that with Ben. I worry so much that he's in pain. He has terrible gas and I hate to think that "crying it out" would make it worse.
We went to the doctor the beginning of this week to get some advice. I stressed about going because, honestly, it's not like he's arching his back in pain all day. Some moments are worse than others. There are times when I just need to hold him tight and keep the pacifier in his mouth so he can sleep. He's noticeably very uncomfortable when he's trying to relax. The doctor suggested some things (most of which we've already tried or been doing).
Ben is eating mostly
breast milk. We give him a couple bottles of formula every day because I hope to stop breastfeeding by the end of this month or the next. (I'm pumping full-time because I hate nursing....but that's a whole other story and might be way too much information for most of you). The doctor suggested we try soy formula for a couple weeks and see how he does. Today is the start of the third day trying that. We'll see how it goes.
Jason is gone this week, which switches my life into survival mode. Lack of sleep and Maggie don't mix well. My family caught me in a couple bad moments last week and so my wonderful brother, Blaine, flew in to help me the first three days that Jason was gone. Blaine has always understood my craziness a little more than others and is able to help me question my thoughts instead of just continuing in my warped sense of reality. He left yesterday and within two hours we had a some dark moments here at the Ray house. We got through it and last night he slept a little better, so I am a bit more rested today.
I guess I wanted to sit down and record a few things while I am in a more reasonable mood so that when another dark moment creeps in I can keep some perspective.
So, these next few lines are for the crying, sleep deprived, frustrated, guilt-ridden Maggie of the future:
- It's okay to hold your 8 week old and let him nap in your arms. It won't turn him into a 8 month old that naps in your arms. There will be time to train him to sleep on his own when he is older and in less pain.
- Picking up your keys and driving away is not the answer. You will regret it later.
- It's okay to get overwhelmed and stressed. Don't feel guilty about it. That just adds to your moment. It's true, you do have 3 beautiful children, a great husband, a steady income, food and a home. But that doesn't mean you can't have feelings of frustration.
- It's okay that Ben is well over the 6 week mark and you have only worked out a handful of times. Your husband has a tough work schedule and you are barely sleeping. Your time will come and you won't be flabby forever.
- Graham's addiction to television will be overcome at a later date. His brain will develop normally and you are not sentencing him to a lifetime struggle with ADHD.
- Your kids will recovery from the times they have watched and wondered why you are crying....again. They've forgotten about it as soon as the tears are gone. They will also recover from the times you have made them cry after losing your patience with them.
- Last, but not least, take deep breaths and try to keep perspective. Enjoy the moments that you get to hold Benny and just sit. That won't last much longer and pretty soon he'll be running around trying to get away from you.
Hopefully these words will bring comfort later today when I'm ready to call Jason and notify him that Ben is in his crib crying, Graham and Lucy are watching Toy Story 2 (for the 56th time) and I am on my way to Mexico.
Benny smiled so big for Grandma Ray every time she held him.
Lucy loves her cousins. Here she is with Sarah and Raegan. She always talks about these girls and loves spending time with them.
Ben-O took one of his naps with Nana. She was so sweet to feed him and hold him during breakfast so we could have a break.
Jason, Marty and baby Ben
Raegan, Lori and Benny
The Ray Fam
Notice I am wrestling with Graham. He was SOOO ornery nearly the whole time we were there. Not a good day in the life of Graham Ray. He slept for a couple hours after the get-together. Too much partying for the Grahamster.
Sweet Sarah and Ben. Jamie's girls get prettier and prettier every time we see them!
Here' s Ben-O and I with his new 
I was a huge slacker in the photography department on Christmas morning. I did catch one of Lucy with her new Easy Bake Oven. She asked for that along with a toy dog that barks and walks. I figured since it will be a very, very long time before she gets a real dog (if ever), Santa could come through on her request. She also wanted a new dress for her American Girl doll, Kit. Jason and I gave her some 
Thanks, Mom!
