As many of you know, I'm a very routine oriented person. So, as you would assume, I have tried to get my kids on board soon after they are born. Lucy picked up what we were putting down very early. She ate, stayed awake for about 90 minutes and then slept for about 90 minutes. Graham gave us some napping struggles, but slept for at least 45-60 minutes each cycle. Both kids slept 7-8 hours straight at night by 9 or 10 weeks. Poor Ben is having a tough start. He's definitely got some tough stomach issues that he's dealing with. He has a hard time napping for more than 15-20 minutes at a time. Evenings and nights are better. He'll sleep 2-3 hours at a time at night. With the other kids, I was able to let them cry for 5-10 minutes at this point to help them learn to go back to sleep. I just can't do that with Ben. I worry so much that he's in pain. He has terrible gas and I hate to think that "crying it out" would make it worse.
We went to the doctor the beginning of this week to get some advice. I stressed about going because, honestly, it's not like he's arching his back in pain all day. Some moments are worse than others. There are times when I just need to hold him tight and keep the pacifier in his mouth so he can sleep. He's noticeably very uncomfortable when he's trying to relax. The doctor suggested some things (most of which we've already tried or been doing).
Ben is eating mostly breast milk. We give him a couple bottles of formula every day because I hope to stop breastfeeding by the end of this month or the next. (I'm pumping full-time because I hate nursing....but that's a whole other story and might be way too much information for most of you). The doctor suggested we try soy formula for a couple weeks and see how he does. Today is the start of the third day trying that. We'll see how it goes.
Jason is gone this week, which switches my life into survival mode. Lack of sleep and Maggie don't mix well. My family caught me in a couple bad moments last week and so my wonderful brother, Blaine, flew in to help me the first three days that Jason was gone. Blaine has always understood my craziness a little more than others and is able to help me question my thoughts instead of just continuing in my warped sense of reality. He left yesterday and within two hours we had a some dark moments here at the Ray house. We got through it and last night he slept a little better, so I am a bit more rested today.
I guess I wanted to sit down and record a few things while I am in a more reasonable mood so that when another dark moment creeps in I can keep some perspective.
So, these next few lines are for the crying, sleep deprived, frustrated, guilt-ridden Maggie of the future:
- It's okay to hold your 8 week old and let him nap in your arms. It won't turn him into a 8 month old that naps in your arms. There will be time to train him to sleep on his own when he is older and in less pain.
- Picking up your keys and driving away is not the answer. You will regret it later.
- It's okay to get overwhelmed and stressed. Don't feel guilty about it. That just adds to your moment. It's true, you do have 3 beautiful children, a great husband, a steady income, food and a home. But that doesn't mean you can't have feelings of frustration.
- It's okay that Ben is well over the 6 week mark and you have only worked out a handful of times. Your husband has a tough work schedule and you are barely sleeping. Your time will come and you won't be flabby forever.
- Graham's addiction to television will be overcome at a later date. His brain will develop normally and you are not sentencing him to a lifetime struggle with ADHD.
- Your kids will recovery from the times they have watched and wondered why you are crying....again. They've forgotten about it as soon as the tears are gone. They will also recover from the times you have made them cry after losing your patience with them.
- Last, but not least, take deep breaths and try to keep perspective. Enjoy the moments that you get to hold Benny and just sit. That won't last much longer and pretty soon he'll be running around trying to get away from you.
Hopefully these words will bring comfort later today when I'm ready to call Jason and notify him that Ben is in his crib crying, Graham and Lucy are watching Toy Story 2 (for the 56th time) and I am on my way to Mexico.
9 comments:
Oh Maggie. I loved this post. It's so real and true. Life can sure be hard and frustrating with kids! Just know that you are not alone and if you ever need to cry or vent- call me!! I'm sure we could be on the phone for hours with how crazy our lifes are right now. You are a good mom! The list you made is perfect- keep reading it, I know I will! I feel the same way that you do everyday! Hang in there, you are doing great!
Maggie I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now. I understand how it is to have an infant that won't sleep and has stomach issues. My little girl had some of the same issues and I had a friend tell me to try Nestle's good start formula (It's supposed to help with digestion) so I did and I could not believe what a difference it made. I no longer had such a fussy baby and she was able to sleep better at night. You might want to talk to your Dr. about it. Anyways, hope things can get better for you. Hang in there!
Your sweet post made me both laugh and cry! I am so sorry things are so rough right now. You are doing a fantastic job! Lucy and Graham will never even remember this when they are grown. How many adults remember every detail when they were 6 and 3? I sure don't. I just wish I could drop my kids off with my mom and I'd be there in a heartbeat. Hang in there! I told the kids we might get to see you guys when you come for Christmas and they were super excited. Tell cute Lucy hi from Pete and Abby.
Those 3rd babies are a "kicker." Mine is still kickin'. I, sometimes wonder if it's totally my fault, that I've had 3 difficult babies. I mean, how can that happen? But, my mom told me, it's because God knew I could handle them. I still wonder sometimes. It's hard to get the routine down. My friend told me to wait 6 months. We are at 5, and I can't wait for next month! Don't stress out about stopping pumping. I had the hardest time stopping, and still wish I could get my milk back sometimes. But, they will be fine. Tristan has been on full formula for 2 days, and although, it's really stinky, I feel better. Bring on the microwave! Although I haven't begun to lose all my weight, I feel so much more alive after being done pumping, and it's helped me be a better mom. You're doing everything right! Keep it up, it gets better.
The only thing that keeps me going at times is to tell myself that it won't last forever. Sometimes it feels like it will, but it won't (at least I keep telling myself that). Like Tanna said, your kids will never remember. My kids have watched a lifetime worth of TV in the last 2 months and I really don't care. I think a little TV is worth it for a sane mother!
Keep your head up. You are doing great, no matter how you feel about it. The fact that you get Lucy to school every day is huge! If I have to be anywhere by 9 its a big deal. You're a great Mom.
Maggie, you are so sweet and honest and I love it! Life is hard as a new mommy no matter how many others you have had, especially with a fussy baby. Our Tate had a little belly issues and wouldn't sleep very long either and I did what everyone said not to and I slept him on his belly and he was a whole new baby. We started out letting him sleep on his belly for naps and then went from there. We even rolled a receiving blanket and kind of tucked it under his shoulder so we knew that there was space between him and the matress, which made us feel better. I figured we all slept on our belllies and survived and I couldn't do it anymore with minimal amounts of sleep. Hopefully the soy formula will help too. Are you using gas drops too, those helped me with Tate and I also pumped his legs and kind of rotated side to side.
Good luck, you are awesome.....even when you aren't perfect and when you get frustrated. :)
Maggie, what true reflections of a mother's life. I remember the third child as being the most stressful. What a circus it seems some times. I'm sorry that Ben is having such a tough time. Wish I could be there to help. Just know that this sleep deprived time will pass and what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Even though it may not seem like it to you, you are doing a fabulous job!!
I love this Maggie! I love that I can relate to you so well. I think about you often and am grateful to have a friend who understands. You are a wonderful mother, I hope you never forget that. I think I also learned with this baby that life doesn't always have to be a rush, and I've discovered it's really nice when it's not. I am enjoying just spending time with my baby and letting Chloe watch way too much Dora. As much as I wish my kids were all on a consistent schedule, it seems completely impossible. Life WILL go on I suppose. We are always here for you (and you're really not crazy Mags) Tell Jason and the kids HI from us.
you are awesome! i think every mom goes through these same exact feelings and anxieties. at least, i definitely have! i had to laugh outloud at your list. they are so true! i stress about how much TV my kids are watching or how many great things we are doing throughout the day. i find i think about all the things we aren't doing as opposed to what we are. i need to be more positive and this is a good reminder to keep breathing. everything will be okay. :)
Post a Comment