Prepare yourself for some rambling and venting......
Well, it's been a tough couple days for me here in Lemoore. I am terribly homesick for my family and those feelings are seeping into the rest of my life and making me discontent. I miss having somewhere that I can go for a change of scenery. I have wonderful, amazing friends here in Lemoore, but I don't feel like I can just invade their house without a reason or scheduled time. I miss knowing that I have that option.
It's been rainy and dreary here for a while and so we can't go outside. We're all getting a little stir crazy. Which leads to me being impatient with my children and they begin to annoy the heck out of me. Which leads to major feelings of guilt for being so irritated by my own offspring-- what if something happened to one of my kids....I would feel horrible! Then I hear stories of women who can't have children or loses one of theirs........and here I am whining about having to stop scrubbing the syrup off the counter to fix the DVD that got stuck in the middle of Lucy's viewing of Cinderella. Sometimes I feel like my kids got short changed with a crazy mom who can't handle much and has a tendency to complain a lot.
Does anyone else have times in their lives when every move they make is accompanied with some level of guilt. The voice in my head sounds something like this, "Your kids watch too much TV....your zapping their brain cells." or "Your kids don't eat enough fruits and vegetables....they're going to have bad eating habits and be huge!" "Why is Lucy throwing those tantrums...what did you do wrong!" Why is Graham yelling so much.....you must yell too much." "You can't eat that....you've already had 6!" And the voice goes on and on. Am I the only one who hears this voice?
I'm making my way out of the dumps. I know that I am so very blessed with a wonderful husband and healthy, happy children. I have great friends who are so willing to help and serve me and family who will listen to me over the phone go on and on and on until I feel better. For now, I'll keep fixing the DVD player and scrubbing the syrup......while I plan a trip to Hawaii!
12 comments:
Blahhh!! Yep, I know where you're comin' from. I think- no one ever told me being a mother/homemaker/wife would be this challenging- but there's NO WAY you could ever put it into words. I'm glad that you are starting to feel better but just know that we're all in this together! (Ha ha ha I've only seen HSM once and already the song sticks in my head!) I'm SURE you are doing better than that voice in your head tells you you are! DON'T LISTEN TO THE VOICE! :)
I think a lot of it is the time of year....I have had those days this week too, but like the person above me said we are all doing this together and isn't it a great blessing that we can be home with out kids and not having them raised by someone else?
Hey girl I know how you feel...I will be sending you an email in a little bit! TTYL!
Hugs,
Jess
I do have to say that your children have some of the happiest faces I've seen.
Maggie, I love you. You are such a good mom! I have those exact same moments all the time. I have found some places I can go (instead of going to my family since they don't live here either). We often to go the library, to the mall playground and to McDonalds that has a bigtoy. That is what we frequent to have a change of scenery. I could go on and on about the 'little voices' in my head and all the guilt trips I go on. But I am sure that they are coming from the adversary. He doesn't want you to feel like you are doing a good job. Make sure to read and pray and bring the Lord in to your days to help ya! Are you really going to Hawaii!???
Maggie- You are so sweet! I love open you are with everything. I think every mom goes through those feelings. We need to get together soon!! I'll talk to you later. Debbie
I am right there with you! I miss my family so much, and I tend to let it consume my thoughts. I feel bad calling them all the time, because they have their own lives. I'm glad you have wonderful friends. That is one thing I seem to be lacking here. You need to tell me how to be more assertive, and get those great friends!! When I am mad at my children, I always try to take a step back, and put myself in their shoes. It actually does help sometimes. We were kids once too, and drove our moms up the wall. The cake is awesome!!!
So glad to know I'm not the only mom who thinks they're crazy. I definately have guilt issues. The only thing that makes me feel better is I look at how my mom raised me and my siblings and realize we still turned out okay. Not perfect but okay.
Your thoughts are my thoughts exactly! It is so hard to know what is always best for our kids. I think no matter what we do, we will always hear those voices in our heads. It's just knowing that we are doing our very best. Hang in there and know that most likely EVERY mom out there feels the same way, at least I do!
Yes we all feel like this! Especially in the winter when there is nothing to do! Kenedy told me the other day that we were going to the park! In the snow? That would be fun! I guess even kids feel like they need a change of scenery too! Don't get down on yourself, you are a great mother and person! Just remember, THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW! Are you really going to Hawaii?
Maggie, you took the words right out of my mouth. Thanks for sharing.
You are NOT ALONE. I think that is the hardest thing moms struggle with...finding balance in being a mom, being a wife, and being your own person!
Mom job is the hardest EVER. I feel like this all the time. I miss my family like crazy, there is NOTHING to do where I live and there are days I feel like I can't do any more...but, then a new day does come and it gets better.
This is why I love blogging so much because we can't always "get out" and it's fun to see that there are tons of other moms in our same situation!
Hang in there...I totally know how you feel. You are adorable and a fabulous mom. I love having things to look forward to as well...like Hawaii, or some fun activity you can plan...it's fun to plan and look ahead (it really helps me knowing in the near future I will get to see my family, or go to Bermuda, or go to the mall 1.5 hrs away!)
Hope for something new is great!
Maggie, check out this post... (Preston Neiderhauser's wifes blog)
http://niederfam.blogspot.com/2008/01/sunday-scribblings.html
Hope that helps!
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